EXPLOSIONS OF ANGER (TANTRUMS) IN PRESCHOOL AGE 

Preschool tantrums. Every parent has been through them, some more than others. Parents often ask about tantrums at this age: Are they normal? And can they be prevented? The answer is that tantrums, for the most part, are a normal part of your child's development. It may be hard to remember this at the exact moment it happens, like when your child falls to the floor at the supermarket, but they are actually a hallmark of early childhood.

What are tantrums?

84% of all preschoolers have a tantrum about once a month. These usually include foot-tapping, holding their breath, yelling, getting easily frustrated, falling over or “melting down”. They are likely to happen when your child is frustrated, angry or upset, when they are tired, hungry or sick. They are also likely to happen when they don’t get something they want or during daily routines such as bedtime, mealtime or dressing time. The possibility of preventing them is a more complex and involved issue. The short answer is that if we understand why they happen, we will be more likely to prevent them. Tantrums happen, however, for many different reasons and it is not always easy to recognize and prevent them.

How to manage them?

• Psychological needs. The most common cause of your child's meltdown is when they need food, sleep, or a break due to illness. If your goal is to avoid public outbursts, schedule your shopping for after naps and snacks.
• Unrealistic expectations. Before taking your child into a public setting, it's helpful to have realistic expectations about how they should behave. It's unrealistic to expect a child to wait patiently and quietly for two hours before eating at a formal restaurant. But it is realistic to think that your child could sit through a 30-minute dinner at a family restaurant with appropriate distractions.
• Prepare yourself. This goes hand in hand with having realistic expectations. Bring activities and toys with you. A favorite toy or a new one, snacks, reading and activity books, and even electronic devices (when used wisely) are all appropriate and will go a long way in preventing a tantrum.
• Cohesion. Preschoolers thrive on routines and repetition. Being consistent with the rules at a particular store or restaurant will help prevent these outbursts in the future.
• Warning signs. As parents, you may often find yourself busy, distracted, and focused elsewhere, and that's perfectly normal in the day-to-day. But sometimes that means we miss the early warning signs. Early intervention can help prevent early whining from turning into a full-blown meltdown.
• Special topics. Some children are sensitive to bright light, noise, or large crowds. If your child is always upset by the noise in a particular store, find out if there are times during the day when the music is not too loud, or choose a different store. 
• Positive reinforcement. Of course, we don’t recommend rewarding them with a treat every time they successfully pass through the checkout line! But we do believe that it’s important to positively reinforce good behavior. And you can play to your child’s interests by rewarding them with non-food, non-monetary things. You could let them choose the movie to watch or the music in the car. Or play with something they can only do on special occasions. Similarly, if they break the rules, they need to know that there are consequences.

Conclusion

The bottom line is that not all tantrums can be prevented, but if you can start to predict what triggers your child’s tantrums, you can start to change your behavior and prevent some of them. Think about the scenario in which your child had a tantrum. What was the situation? What time was it? Was he hungry? I often recommend that parents write this information down to get a better sense of patterns. Some parents find that practice is very helpful. For example, instead of taking your child to a very large supermarket or toy store for the first time, try visiting a smaller one first. While the vast majority of tantrums are completely normal, there are times when you may want to seek additional help. If your child’s tantrums are consuming a lot of time, upsetting the entire family, and interfering with family functioning, talk to your pediatrician about it. He or she may recommend a referral to a child psychologist who specializes in preschool behavior.